chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize