I look better un-naked...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
