Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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