So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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