I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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