do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
