i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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