***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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