I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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