A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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