I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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