Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
