My room smells like vodka and shame
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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