there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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