I puked a lego.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
