So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
