I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
