Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
