I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize