pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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