I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
