It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
home. puking in laundry basket.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
