you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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