first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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