I love having hate sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
