never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
