I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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