**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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