there's paper in my vomit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
