Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
