I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize