i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
