I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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