Porn is love you can see.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
