THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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