I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize