So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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