I wish I could teleport
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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