you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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