Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
