If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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