She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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