she was so not down for the gang bang
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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