went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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