There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
