you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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