I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
