Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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