ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
