At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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