somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
