Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
