he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm passing your future prison.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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