the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
