thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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