Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
