I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
