did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't deserve a penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
