i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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