I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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