I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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