Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
