we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well I just put wine in my tea
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
