I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
