Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
