matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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