i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
